Just one of those nights where Im feeling pretty down...infact Iv been feeling like this for a couple of days now.. Life gets to me sooo much at times,it gets a lil too much for me to handle. Im an emotional wreck,happiness visits me for a couple of days and leaves me back to my "depressed" self again. Im so young,but Iv had enough of life and its hardships really. I have given up on myself and the things I really loved :(. This has been by far the worst year of my entire 18 years of existence. I smile at the world because I dont like it when people are worried about me and I hate pity parties but sometimes I just wish someone knew me well enough to see that Im not fine and that some of my smiles and laughs are actually a front. My mind,heart and soul don't feel like they work together any more... Im screaming inside,Im very frustrated... I decided to take a break from the "world" and go away for a bit to see if I can get my mind right. My mindset is terrible right now :( ... FUCK! I hate feeling like this. Everything Iv ever known always just seems to disappear. Everytime I think I got myself together and iv found my "internal happiness" that I love to preach to people about,I lose myself all over again.. Or maybe Im just going through a phase..well I do hope so. But this shit has been going on for too long. Im even contradicting myself interms of my previous happy posts. But ya... anyway...